|BEING A LEFTY-LOOSEY IN A RIGHTY-TIGHTY WORLD|
While less than TEN PER CENT of the population is left-handed - a FULL 100% of the right-handed population are relieved that - IT'S NOT THEM!
Thesaurus.com Defines Left-Handedness Thusly: "USING THE LEFT HAND, OR - CLUMSY"...
Synonyms Include: "DUBIOUS, GAUCHE, MALADROIT, BACKHANDED, INSINCERE, SOUTHPAW - and SINISTER"...
There is Only One Antonym: "RIGHT-HANDED"..
LEFT-HANDEDNESS SHORTENS LIFE
One excellent reason for this is that CACK-HANDERS top the mortality list - in ALL FIVE accident categories: AUTO, SPORTS, WORK, HOME, and TOOLS!
They are up to TWICE as likely to die in an accident - and far more likely to LOSE DIGITS and/or LIMBS to a power-tool!
LEFTIES ARE MORE LIKELY TO GO INSANE!
|MOST LIKELY TO GO INSANE|
Apparently - this drives us NUTS!
It is the reason that us WRONG-HANDED folks also suffer a greater percentage of BED WETTING, DYSLEXIA, ADHD, PTSD, DEPRESSION, EPILEPSY, SLEEPING DISORDERS - and ALLERGIES...
It is also the reason that we SCARE MORE EASILY! Apparently the 'POOP-YOUR-PANTS' department is located in the right brain - ya know - the one we lefties use MOST!
We are also more likely to be HOMOSEXUAL or have GENDER IDENTITY ISSUES...
Ain't being different KOOL?
USES AND ABUSES OF THE 'CACK' HAND!
Because the guy on the left CAN'T BE TRUSTED!
Togas used to be made with only ONE POCKET - on the left - leaving the right hand to deal with life's IMPORTANT matters!
In many parts of Africa, India, Europe, and the Far East - there is only ONE appropriate action to be taken with the left hand, and that is to - WIPE YOUR ASS - PERIOD!
Even WAVING HELLO or offering a GIFT with the left hand is considered a personal INSULT!
And - OMG - don't even THINK about passing food with that most disrespectful of hands - it may well BE REFUSED - and you shall be looked upon with shock and scorn!
Make that - MORE SCORN! lol..
INSURANCE COMPANIES WANT TO KNOW!
More and more are adding a BACK-HANDED new question to their application forms: ARE YOU RIGHT-HANDED OR LEFT?
Be prepared that In the very near future - lefties will pay a higher premium for ACCIDENT insurance, HEALTH insurance - and LIFE INSURANCE!
This is to better balance 'RISK-MANAGEMENT', and - let's face it - LEFTIES ARE A HUGE RISK!
LEFTIES GET LESS!
Guessin' those righties need more money - TO FUND THEIR LONGER LIVES??
Now - if that ain't a left-handed SLAP IN THE FACE from a right-handed world - nothing is!
BONUS SINISTRALIST TRIVIA
They are better at geometry and spatial analysis - they think OUTSIDE-OF-THE-BOX naturally..
Six out of the last 12 Presidents of the United States have been left-handed - including the last three - OBAMA, BUSH, and CLINTON!
Lefties tend to be bad with direction and have a bad habit of turning left - A LOT!
Lefties have trouble rolling their RRRRRRRRRRRRRR's...
(How many of you lefties just attempted to rrrrrrroll it? lol..)
Unless one aspires to be President, WE - the WRONG-HANDED OF THE WORLD - might as well have been born with a CAPITAL 'L' STAMPED IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR FOREHEADS!
So now ya know - It's a JUNGLE out there - and NO - IT'S NOT ALL RIGHT!
© 2013 I'mKar'n23...Leslie Silverman All Rights Reserved
WANT MORE? I'MKAR'N IS FULL OF IT!
- AT THE CORNER OF FOOL'S PARADISE and IGNORANCE IS BLISS...
- CIRCUMCISION - TAKING A LITTLE OFF THE TOP..
- DADDY - Please SPANK Me..
- ASSISTED SUICIDE: BABY-BOOMERS DEMAND TO DIE LIKE DOGS..