October 29, 2013

IF I COULD KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT...


IF I COULD KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT...

If I could keep my mouth shut, smile pretty - bite my tongue,
On that dumb-ass social ladder - I might just climb a rung!

Be tactful and polite dear - sit up straight with shoulders back,
Control that naughty urge to pun - lay off sarcastic cracks!

Don't pick your teeth in public, the same goes for the nose,
It's not about ones comfort - it's how well one strikes a pose!

Laugh discreetly is the rule - don't snort, guffaw, or squeal!
Always act the lady - well-mannered and genteel.

My very best behavior - would annoy Miss Emily Post,
A truth I need not ponder - as one can't offend a ghost!

It's not that I'm oblivious - to these high falootin' ways,
Yet whenever I attempt them - my eyes begin to glaze!

I came up on the wrong side - left with nothing far too young,
Missed the part that taught me that it's best to hold my tongue!

Filters are for cigarettes - only windows need a screen!
Little rough around the edges? Shan't be lunching with the Queen!

Passing gas is frowned upon - just soldier through that cramp,
I've naught achieved such self-control - this lady is a tramp!

I CANNOT keep my mouth shut, smile pretty - bite my tongue,
On that dumb-ass social ladder - I just FELL another rung!


(sigh...)